Last month I had a glorious birthday. I reveled in reaching a milestone and felt so good about it. I was older, lively and proud! Today I know that milestone is the cutoff for getting a ventilator should I come down with complications from covid19. While I totally get that, it is sobering. I have not had extended anxiety levels like this in forever. I imagine many of you out there feel the same.
My husband and I are out of work, with pay, until April 3rd, all to be reviewed at that time. We all know this won't be gone by then. We are very thankful our company is paying us. While we have funds we can access, many of our co workers are not in that position and live from paycheck to paycheck. I am so glad they won't go down financially. Many are young families.
I am also not feeling confident in the way I have seen our federal government first ignore, belittle, and now literally tell us to relax and spend money. I am infuriated at their focus on finance, as if that will whisk away a germ whose droplets are so tiny they can hang in the air space for a few hours and still go down the sinuses of any they can find. I am sickened by the total lack of empathy by leadership for American citizens who are scared, who may go broke, who won't be able to pay rent, whose kids might not get meals, who will be sick, some fatally, who won't be able to have real funerals, real weddings, real bar mitzvahs, real Christenings, baby showers, glorious celebrations at wonderful venues like I had last month, or even sitting at the side of their dying family members. Yes, I want someone who gives a shit in charge.
And so I desperately need to sew and I am. I spent hours in my cave yesterday, podcasts and music playing, hands moving over fabrics as I make discoveries and create. It takes me away. It is my solace, my peace bringer, my visit to the psychiatrist. I don't call my studio my cave for nothing. When in there, I am surrounded by my world, one of colors, textures, paints, stencils, magical machines, tools, and all sorts of mental miracle workers. It is quiet. It is warm. It envelopes me. It saves me.
God bless you all in these difficult times. Stay safe, stay in touch and may you find your cave.....Bunny
I'm just a few months from your milestone birthday, and my husband is 5 years past. My son and daughter-in-law live with us. She is away at graduate school during the week (her program is now closed, so she's home full-time) and he still has to go out to work. We're isolating from each other as much as possible. I've been a ball of anxiety for weeks. But your post is the first that actually brought tears to my eyes. You so succinctly expressed my frustration, anger, empathy, sadness, and finally, a little bit of hope. Thank you. Be well.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you Kay. As trite as it sounds, I feel your pain. Take care and sew on.
DeleteI’m only 59, but I’m afraid of this virus too! New leadership is badly needed!!!!! I’m praying daily!!!
ReplyDeleteJust last night in Missouri, 5 people (3 customers, 1 police officer, and the suspect) were killed in a robbery incident. How many deaths from violence, from suicide, from cancer, from seasonal flu, from kidney failure, heart attack, etc., have occurred recently? Yes, precautions are sensible, but the sky is not falling. People today don't have near the fortitude of their ancestors who lived through the Civil War, WW1, WW2, and the Great Depression.
ReplyDeleteWhat you describe is a typical night on my evening news times Y. The trevails you mention have always been around. Does this lesson the severity of this pandemic? I don't think so. I lived through the polio epidemic and sat and read to my 8 year old neighbor friend as she lay in her iron lung as it made its horrible sounds and pumped away in her dining room. I saw it steal her childhood. Luckily, my pediatrician uncle was able to get me and my sibs the vaccine very early on so I was safe. Everyone else got in school, lined up in rows. I won't forget it. I disagree totally with you that people don't have the fortitude of those that have gone before. Perhaps you are blessed to have friends and family who have not ever felt the loss of war or held the hand of a loved one dieing a really horrid death. I hope you never do. But your sweeping judgement of "people today" gives voice to your own sense of empathy.
DeleteOh Bunny, stay safe and create. Praying for people in general, not only our global "leaders", to care, it is the only way that we'll all be safe. I work in a school and it is mind blowing how many staff and students show up sick when we're all told to stay home by medical officials during the pandemic. Some people just don't care.
ReplyDeleteI've seen some clearly very sick coughing kids out and about with parents too. I can only think they may have Flu B which I have just gotten over. It lasted 11 days for me and whooped me pretty good. Either way, we all need to stay safe and socially distance ourselves, not that we like or that it is convenient.
DeleteI just have to say there is Not a cut off for receiving ventilators in the US. I am a 61 year old hospital pharmacist in Washington state and I have not heard any such discussion from any leader or hospital administrator or physician... If we are over 60 we’re at higher risk of complications if we get it, especially if we have underlying medical conditions so social distancing is very important as well as other measures like hand washing etc. I am not sure where you live but please know that you have misunderstood. Let’s all take precautions, hunker down and protect our health and the health of others. Be well!
ReplyDeleteI hope so and it was from a well placed politician in NY state speaking with medical professionals in a "possible scenario" situation which frankly I do get. That is what triage is for. I would expect priority to go to a healthy young person before someone who has lived most of their life. I do appreciate your sentiments and hope we don't need to find out. I think my point was more about the anxiety these conversations bring about. Thank you for your thoughts.
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ReplyDeleteAs a nurse, it is my responsibility to educate, provide care and reduce anxiety for the patients under my care. It is difficult to know that you are a member of the high risk group while at the same time, you are providing care to high risk patients. I'm grateful that I have hobbies to keep me busy and offset the emotions that this virus is generating.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Towanda, for the work you do out on the front lines. Stay safe and know you are a heroine. Our hobbies do help so much. Take care.
DeleteAt age 75, I am still ill from a perfect storm of a decaying tooth, back molar, that needs removal (Dentist told me that we would wait until it started to hurt, which it has), a sinus infection, and strep, plus I have COPD. And now the COVID-19 is a serious threat for the Nashville area sooner rather than later. I am not panicked, but I am concerned.
ReplyDeleteI do hope you get the treatment you need, Patsijean. It sounds horribly painful. I know my daughter is there for any emergencies but day to day business has been shut down.It is interesting. I was so concerned but she said that she works every day with the threat of serious infection, is trained for it, and has the PPE for it. From what I understand directives in our state have come down requiring dentists and doctors to only perform emergency care. She fully expected to keep going.
Delete59, and teaching in the UK....and they STILL won't close the schools. Staff are vanishing one by one, whole year groups are being told not to come in on certain days on a rota to reduce staffing pressure. Pregnant teachers are STILL expected to come in...meanwhile younger, stupider kids are deliberately coughing on handles and banisters. My other half is begging me to stay off, but that would put pay at risk. Very worrying
ReplyDeleteWow, what irresponsible policies. Is there not a teachers union that can intervene? I am thinking with your form of gov't, probably not. My heart goes out to all but those pregnant teachers, that is shameful.
DeleteThat syntax came of wrong. My heart goes out to all of you but the treatment of the pregnant teachers is just wrong.
DeleteKnowing that in 3 weeks I too will be 70 and not entitled to any heroic measures should I fall ill with the virus. Knowing my days are numbered and limited is a real tragedy.But no matter what, I have over 30 brides booked in for alterations and if I don't work, no one pays me to shut the front door and refuse work. I make my brides wash their hands, I take their temperature and just get on with things. With no one in charge in this country, lack of respirators and masks and medical staff pushed to the edge...recent days make it all seem futile. My cousins in Milan and northern Spain have sent me reports that scare the crap out of me, reports that the media is not releasing.
ReplyDeleteIt is sounding rather middle ages from some reports I have read and therefore quite scary. I hope we can be above that here. I did read reports of an ebola medications that is showing great promise for corona. Let's hope so. Good for you for taking their temps! My hubs just had some surgery cancelled a few minutes ago . This dr.s office said all surgeries are cancelled till further notice. It was for several teeth implants. We can wait.
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ReplyDeleteInflammatory replies are removed. My blog, my privelege.
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My daughter is a physician and supervises residents and interns at a large hospital in a very large city. She is concerned about my husband and me (we are 64 and 65), and has urged us to stay home as much as possible, which we are doing. Fortunately, we are retired, so not missing work.
ReplyDeleteI know it's easy to blame the administration, but try to remember they are doing their best in a situation that hasn't really been dealt with before. People are traveling from country to country and across oceans so much more than even 15 years ago, so this is spreading faster than previous pandemics. Trump took heat for closing our borders to China very early in the game; it's a good thing he did, or we'd be in even worse shape. It also isn't the present administration's fault that there is a shortage of hospital and ICU beds. This happened a number of years ago when the government decided to interfere in the healthcare industry and artificially reduce hospital beds by edict, rather than letting market forces apply.Now the chickens are coming home to roost.
I know people are scared, but I think the mention of spending $ is an attempt to keep businesses, small and large from getting into trouble, necessitating layoffs. They're discussing legislation to provide financial relief for those who need it. It's difficult to strike the right balance between being warning people appropriately, and inciting panic. Is the administration doing everything perfectly? Of course not, but they are doing a darn good job, in my opinion. One of my relatives knows VP Pence personally, and says he is a very good and caring man.
This should be a wakeup call to all of us about how vulnerable our country is to China for Rx drugs, medical equipment, etc. We need to be demanding that our legislators address this to bring most of this manufacturing back to the US. We should also do our best to be prepared for emergencies. I wasn't. Having just moved recently, I hadn't yet built up a reserve of food "just in case."
While I'd prefer to not exit this world just yet (I've got grandchildren I want to see grow up), I'm not afraid to die. My hope is not in my preparations, or the healthcare system, or the government, but in God. He is an ever-present help in time of trouble. My prayers for everyone. Shalom.
Well said...you echo my thoughts! None of is this country has experienced anything like this. There is so much anxiety floating in the air that I feel as if I have “caught” a bit of it!
ReplyDeleteSewing is definitely what centers me. I have been thinking about having people create a quilt block that expresses how they feel ..sending them and then I would construct a quilt around them...venue tbd. I will continue to kick that idea around....
I think there are many positive ways we can use our talents to work through this. I have been sewing like crazy. I do hope I get our overseas vacation to wear some of these clothes but who knows? I will remember each of these outfits as Corona garments. I have a notebook where I keep notes on all my creations so it may be of interest to mark them as during Corona time and with pics. Just a thought. I guess whatever gets us through the night. Your quilt project sounds like w winner. I think people would be more than willing to submit a block to you. Let me know what you decide.
DeleteHello Bunny , I am working in the health system in Australia. we are all scared too . I have elderly clients who have talked about dying . I am fond of them all , The thought of them going is so very sad . I have heard , however from an intensive care dr in Italy that assessment are made fro ventilators on the basis of biological age and that it isn't just based on your chronological age . This happens even in normal times . Patients arent ventilated unless they will survive the experience .You look in pretty good shape to me :)I too am gardening and sewing and while I cant see people face to face at work as of yesterday unless it is an absolute necessity , I will bee calling people to stay in touch especially those who live alone . wwe should all do this because the isolation and fear will take a heavy toll on some of us .We are really living through history at the moment . I really hope Americans get out and vote . No one on this planet needs more of the same after November .
ReplyDeleteI REALY appreciate your imput, words of kindness and wisdom and experience. They give us all hope. I find many of my friends are reaching out to me and I am to them. Texting seems to have gone out the window with long phone conversations taking their place like they haven't in ages. It made me realize what we have missed as our communication methods have changed. Perhaps we will return as we find how nourishing these connections can be? Time will tell. Thanks you so much, Mem, for your imput. Stay safe.
DeleteAs a health care provider, I know this administration has not handled this incoming pandemic sensibly and has done a lousy job in preparation. Our corrupt impeached president two years ago shut down the pandemic department that was set up to handle something like this. State governors are having to do the heavy work. The administration knew 3 months ago this was in-coming and they knew 5 weeks ago WA state had cases spreading and did nothing other than for the man who wants to be king calling the governor "a snake" when he tried to warn them. The WA governor acted as he felt necessary to protect the state's citizens, in spite of this wanna be king boy, and closed schools for 6 weeks as children are the main vector for spreading this virus. Please read up on what is happening in Italy by a lack of preparation for containment. Their health systems are overwhelmed and doctors are making the choice between who lives and dies. One doctor there just died after taking care of patients in his town after running out of gloves, masks, and other supplies. No one wants to be in that situation. We in the US will also will be overwhelmed if we do not try to slow down the spread of this virus. It is not a 'panic' situation, it is a matter of doing what is necessary to care for our neighbors, our parents, our brothers and sisters. No one is resistant to this virus. Children from age ten up have died, although the majority of deaths escalates dramatically over age 40. Worldwide deaths have been 3.4%. WA state death rate is about 7%. Flu deaths per year are 0.1% for comparison. We do not have the hospital beds and equipment needed. England decided to try to let the virus run it's course to build up herd immunity. They are now re-phrasing that. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/03/coronavirus-pandemic-herd-immunity-uk-boris-johnson/608065/ The US legislation passed today only protects businesses as the GOP pressured to take away some of the protections for those who are being laid off and hurting. They all then went home for a month on full pay. Why do we only protect business?? As the UK former Cabinet member Tony Benn stated some years ago, "if we can find money to kill people, we can find money to help people". Someday, I hope that becomes a motto for Americans currently living in a country with capitalistic billionaires on steroids and politicians who care nothing about those who actually do the work. Why do we have 91 of the Fortune 500 businesses, who together made 106 billion last year, paying no taxes while also receiving 6 billion in subsidies? Amazon, Starbucks, Netflix, Coors, Apple, etc. I wonder what their exorbitantly salaried CEO's are doing to help this current crisis. https://www.oneillinois.com/stories/2019/12/17/91-fortune-500-firms-paid-no-2018-us-taxes
ReplyDeleteYes scary times indeed, I am so glad the internet of sewing is so strong and thank you for your input, I do enjoy reading your posts. It is beginning to ramp up over here in Australia and I am so glad my nearly 50 years as a tax payer has helped to fund our free and inclusive health system. Hopefully I wont need it during this crisis! Connection building between family members and with friends and neighbours may be a strong positive to come from it all. X
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